Tomorrow afternoon I will be driving to Raleigh to appear in court on Tuesday morning. After 12 months of waiting, I will finally be doing something in Caleb's situation instead of just waiting. All of this is God's timing and I'm excited and anxious to see what He will do while I am in Raleigh. For those of you who are asking yourselves, "Who is Caleb and just what is the situation?" I offer a summary of the last 12 months.
In January 2008, we received a call from Glorie's social worker that her mom was due to have a baby boy in about six weeks. We were already in the process of adopting Glorie from foster care and had known for several months that mom was pregnant, but not sure where the baby would end up since mom was in prison in Raleigh. The social worker said that jurisdiction had been decided and the baby would be sent to Cabarrus County at birth. Since we had sister, would we be interested in brother as well? We of course said yes. So we waited for him to be born. In March 2008, we got another phone call and were informed that baby boy Caleb was born and healthy and would be released from the hospital in two days. We were so excited, we'd been waiting for that call for a while! The day came for him to arrive and we got yet another phone call. Jurisdiction was once again in question and although it would delay Caleb's arrival, DSS felt sure he would come the following day. The next day came the call we never wanted - Caleb would be staying in Raleigh and may never come to Cabarrus County. The baby we had waited and prayed for wasn't coming.
I was heartbroken. I didn't understand what God was doing. But as I prayed and cried, I felt God clearly said "Wait - don't do - just wait". This was the opposite of my very nature. I wanted to call and hound the workers in Raleigh, go up there and make a fuss, bring him home with me!! God gently reminded me that Caleb belonged to Him, not to me. I committed to the Lord to pray and to wait and specifically not to act until I was asked to.
A month would go by with no word from Raleigh. I would begin to be discouraged and finally said, "God, he's yours - put him where he should be and I'll accept it." It still hurt and I still wanted him here, but I was willing to let go if that was what God desired. As soon as I let go, we got a phone call and a little bit of hope. Another month or two passed. Again I affirmed to God that Caleb was in His hands, not mine. Another call and more hope came. For the past 12 months, I have lived on my knees with my hands raised, open handed to whatever God would do. And every time I've affirmed that Caleb is in the hands of God, He sent us hope and opened the door again.
Eventually though I came to accept that he probably would not come. His foster parents could not have children of their own and wanted to adopt him. He's been with them since birth so the bond is very strong. In our hearts, Michael and I let go of the hope he may come someday. We never stopped believing that God was in control and that His will would prevail. But we let go completely of all our expectations.
A few weeks later, I discovered with great surprise that I was expecting baby Georgia in August. I was shocked but also so happy. Many well-meaning people said "Oh God has given you this baby since Caleb could not come". My heart said no, this baby is its own special blessing. God is not surprised and He doesn't give consolation prizes. His will has not changed for Caleb or for us or for baby Georgia.
Last month, I got a call from mom's attorney. He asked me to appear in court to verify that we were willing to adopt Caleb if mom were allowed to sign her rights over to us. He also said that we had been deemed unfit for placement in Raleigh and after seeing our record with Cabarrus DSS, he wanted me to testify and dispute this. I was hurt and angry and confused - why were we unfit?? But at the same time, I was excited. Finally an opportunity to do and not just to wait! And hopefully, I would be able to meet Caleb's foster parents as well.
That brings us to now...God kindly arranged for all the details of my trip tomorrow. Despite all the logistical challenges of going out of town the day my hubby comes home from out of town, finding a hotel, and finding someone to watch the 3 G's - everything fell into place and is ready to go for tomorrow.
And so tomorrow afternoon, I will leave for Raleigh. What am I expecting? Nothing and everything. My heart is fully trusting that my God will do what is best for Caleb. I'm prepared to come home with the final word that he will never come - I would be okay with that now. But I know my God - He is above and beyond anything we can imagine - so I cannot throw out the possiblity that He has allowed all of this in His timing to do an incredible work tomorrow. It could be the end or a hopeful beginning. In either circumstance, my heart cries out "Blessed be the name of the Lord!!"
In January 2008, we received a call from Glorie's social worker that her mom was due to have a baby boy in about six weeks. We were already in the process of adopting Glorie from foster care and had known for several months that mom was pregnant, but not sure where the baby would end up since mom was in prison in Raleigh. The social worker said that jurisdiction had been decided and the baby would be sent to Cabarrus County at birth. Since we had sister, would we be interested in brother as well? We of course said yes. So we waited for him to be born. In March 2008, we got another phone call and were informed that baby boy Caleb was born and healthy and would be released from the hospital in two days. We were so excited, we'd been waiting for that call for a while! The day came for him to arrive and we got yet another phone call. Jurisdiction was once again in question and although it would delay Caleb's arrival, DSS felt sure he would come the following day. The next day came the call we never wanted - Caleb would be staying in Raleigh and may never come to Cabarrus County. The baby we had waited and prayed for wasn't coming.
I was heartbroken. I didn't understand what God was doing. But as I prayed and cried, I felt God clearly said "Wait - don't do - just wait". This was the opposite of my very nature. I wanted to call and hound the workers in Raleigh, go up there and make a fuss, bring him home with me!! God gently reminded me that Caleb belonged to Him, not to me. I committed to the Lord to pray and to wait and specifically not to act until I was asked to.
A month would go by with no word from Raleigh. I would begin to be discouraged and finally said, "God, he's yours - put him where he should be and I'll accept it." It still hurt and I still wanted him here, but I was willing to let go if that was what God desired. As soon as I let go, we got a phone call and a little bit of hope. Another month or two passed. Again I affirmed to God that Caleb was in His hands, not mine. Another call and more hope came. For the past 12 months, I have lived on my knees with my hands raised, open handed to whatever God would do. And every time I've affirmed that Caleb is in the hands of God, He sent us hope and opened the door again.
Eventually though I came to accept that he probably would not come. His foster parents could not have children of their own and wanted to adopt him. He's been with them since birth so the bond is very strong. In our hearts, Michael and I let go of the hope he may come someday. We never stopped believing that God was in control and that His will would prevail. But we let go completely of all our expectations.
A few weeks later, I discovered with great surprise that I was expecting baby Georgia in August. I was shocked but also so happy. Many well-meaning people said "Oh God has given you this baby since Caleb could not come". My heart said no, this baby is its own special blessing. God is not surprised and He doesn't give consolation prizes. His will has not changed for Caleb or for us or for baby Georgia.
Last month, I got a call from mom's attorney. He asked me to appear in court to verify that we were willing to adopt Caleb if mom were allowed to sign her rights over to us. He also said that we had been deemed unfit for placement in Raleigh and after seeing our record with Cabarrus DSS, he wanted me to testify and dispute this. I was hurt and angry and confused - why were we unfit?? But at the same time, I was excited. Finally an opportunity to do and not just to wait! And hopefully, I would be able to meet Caleb's foster parents as well.
That brings us to now...God kindly arranged for all the details of my trip tomorrow. Despite all the logistical challenges of going out of town the day my hubby comes home from out of town, finding a hotel, and finding someone to watch the 3 G's - everything fell into place and is ready to go for tomorrow.
And so tomorrow afternoon, I will leave for Raleigh. What am I expecting? Nothing and everything. My heart is fully trusting that my God will do what is best for Caleb. I'm prepared to come home with the final word that he will never come - I would be okay with that now. But I know my God - He is above and beyond anything we can imagine - so I cannot throw out the possiblity that He has allowed all of this in His timing to do an incredible work tomorrow. It could be the end or a hopeful beginning. In either circumstance, my heart cries out "Blessed be the name of the Lord!!"
Pray for Caleb - that God would reveal His will for his life
Can't wait to hear what you find out.
ReplyDelete