The past few weeks have been filled with faith and promise. As you know, Michael and I are licensed foster parents. We have not had a placement in almost three years. However, we have been very busy with two new babies, an ill grandmother, homeschooling and just life in general! Recently Michael and I spent a day alone together and talked about where we want to go from here as a family. Eventually foster care came into the conversation and we decided to begin praying for God to direct us as to where to go next, or whether to go anywhere at all - perhaps God has finished our work in this area! And so we began to pray.
First we prayed for God's provision. We needed a bed for a child to sleep in and clothes for him to wear. (Yes HIM - we have as many girls as we can hold in our little house!) So we prayed and we waited. A week later, God provided a loft bed and mattress through Freecycle. We saw this as confirmation that God wanted us to continue with foster care and continued to wait on Him to provide.
It's been a few weeks longer now and we continue to see God pave the way before us. I found a large bag of boy's clothes in the attic that I was sure I had given away. We were invited to a DSS sponsored function that normally we would have never heard about. All around us we see confirmations from God, leading us and showing us the way, even if it is just the next step.
And so we stand before an open door. Our hearts are full of excitement and anticipation as we imagine what God may have in store for us beyond this door. Will we begin fostering again? Does God have a child in mind that will become a permanent part of our family? Or is He planning to continue to use us to minister to those actively fostering?
If I am honest, there is also a feeling of inadequacy and wondering at the unknowns. How do we add yet another child when our schedule (and our home) already seems to be bursting at the seams? How would another child in our home (temporary or permanent) affect our children? I need so much grace and patience from my Heavenly Father every day just to love and nurture and teach and mold the lives of the four beautiful children He's given us. How much more grace and patience will I need if we add another child to the picture? Are we crazy to even be considering this?!? What about school? And clothes? And time for each child? How will we find him? How will he respond to us? What if this is not the beginning of another journey for us but the end of a journey we've been on the past four years? Am I ready to close the door and leave this ministry behind if that's what God calls me to do?
I am very aware of my dependence on God to care for my children in a way that honors Him and even more aware of how much more I will need Him if we expand our hearts to include another child. I see so many areas of my life that need major work and change, so many weaknesses. I do not know how the details will work out. But there are things that I know to be true. Praise God that He is faithful! His grace is more than enough, it will never run out. His mercies are new every morning. He will bring to completion that which He calls us to do.
I do not know what lies beyond this open door, where it will take us, how long it will be before we walk through it. This I know, and this truth sustains me - God is here with me on this side of the door and He will be with me every step of the way beyond it. I don't know what the future holds but I know Who holds my future and I am putting my trust in Him.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
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